Whether you have
always lived a polygamist lifestyle or are still testing the waters, you
probably have had a conversation with at least one or two loved ones who just
genuinely don’t have much knowledge about the topic. Navigating through the
process of initially telling your loved ones, and then educating them on terms
and setting boundaries, can feel overwhelming. Here are a few tips to help.
First and foremost,
understand that you and your partners or sister wives have every right to set
healthy boundaries with friends and family, just as you should set them with
each other. Even though you want to educate them and keep them up to date, if
someone asks you a question that makes you or one of your partners upset, you
shouldn’t accept that behavior. We all know family members like to pry, but
it’s okay to let them know when you’re not comfortable discussing something.
If you’ve set
boundaries with someone in the past and they continue to attempt to push past it,
try saying something like, “I’ve told you before that I’m not really
comfortable discussing that, and I would really appreciate it if you could
respect my privacy.” Most of the time, family and close friends overstep
boundaries because they just want to be informed and involved in your life.
However, no one is entitled to ask intrusive questions regarding the
intricacies of your relationship.
They also are not
entitled to have you do all of the work of patiently explaining everything
about polygamy dating website and
other poly and non-monogamous lifestyles. This goes hand in hand with setting
boundaries. You should provide them with an amount of information about your
relationship that you and your partners or sister wives are comfortable with,
but you are not required to educate them on the entire community. If it’s not
relevant to your poly family, there are plenty of ways for them to educate
themselves.
It’s great if your
loved ones want to learn more about polygamy! However, that doesn’t mean you
have to be their encyclopedia if you don’t want to be. They live in the same
modern world that you do; there are dating sites like Sister Wives with
hundreds of articles at their disposal, TV shows, Blogs,
and Books that they
can access at the same level of ease you have. If they’re lost you should
definitely help guide them, but you are not their teacher. You deserve loved
ones who will take it upon themselves to seek educational resources out if
that’s something that would mean a lot to you. If you’re happy and comfortable
to be a continuous source of poly knowledge to your friends and family, that’s
perfectly fine too! Again, it all depends on your boundaries, which of course
look different for everyone.
With all this talk
of boundaries, you may be wondering, “What if I don’t know what my boundaries
are yet?” A lot of people don’t know where they draw the line until someone
else has crossed it. However, this may be where you and your sister wives or
partners have a leg up because you already practice compassionate communication
in your relationship. Polygamists know they have to communicate in abundance
with their partners and sister wives dating
in order to keep their relationship healthy and happy. Not only do you have
more practice with setting boundaries and communicating, you also have more
people who are close to you that you can bounce scenarios off of. You have the
unique advantage of having multiple people who know you very well to offer
different perspectives that allow you to see a scenario from a few different
angles. Together, you can try to prepare as much as possible to both anticipate
possible situations or confront existing issues. While it’s always possible
that a situation you didn’t anticipate arises, you still have the advantage of
having a strong support system in your poly family.
Telling the people
in your life that you’re a polygamist can be a really empowering and positive
experience, but it’s not a necessary step to validate your relationship. Some
people don’t tell their families when they’ve opened their relationship to a
new partner or sister wife because they
don’t feel comfortable doing so. Many people have been socialized into thinking
they are required to share the details of our private relationships with other
people in their lives, especially their families, but that’s not a healthy
mentality to have. You have the right to decide who you share things about your
identity and relationships with.
It’s hard when you
want to share something so special about your life but are afraid of being
misunderstood or stigmatized by the people you want to tell. Many people live
by the phrase “hope for the best but prepare for the worst”, but oftentimes
wind up receiving a reaction that is in the middle. This is where they aren’t
outright condemning you, but show their skepticism by asking questions that
make you feel like your relationship is a spectacle instead of a loving
partnership. Even if they aren’t overtly negative, comments that assume
anything about polygamy dating app based on
antiquated stereotypes need to be addressed. If you experience this with
someone, try saying in response, “Would you be asking me this if I was in a
monogamous relationship?”
Your family and
friends that care about you don’t have to be experts on polygamy matchmaking
in order to show you acceptance, love, and respect for your boundaries. It’s
understandable that they want to learn more about the poly community, but
teaching them should not be a burden on you or your sister wives or partners.
Enlighten the people in your life on how assumptions about polygamy are
hurtful, and encourage them to utilize the resources available to them so that
they can educate themselves. This will lead to them being able to show you a
more fulfilling level of acceptance and support, and become an advocate for the
poly community.
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